77th birthday. This good man has been my partner for 56 years. For more than half a century he has taken out the trash, changed oil in the car, told me to slow down, and happily taken me out to dinner. For my birthday, yes, but sometimes for no reason at all.
I’ve thought a lot about living this stage of life during the past year when often I could do very little. There are some things I try to keep in mind, especially as I lie awake in bed watching the moon pass the windows. Meditating and praying.
I have always written. For many years my thoughts and experiences were mailed out in the form of newsletters. Remember Notes from Toad Hall and later Letters from the House Between? That was part of what I was called to do—to be vulnerable and honest about life experiences and share it with my readers hoping to give some courage and hope for their own lives. And a smile or two. Eventually, I wrote the The Place Trilogy published by Square Halo Press. The books are available at Hearts and Minds Books . When I actually managed to complete three books that traced my life from a child to a teen, to a young married woman with children I was surprised. I did it! Now I am an old married woman with nine grandchildren and one great grandson and not able to bear the same kind of fruit I did in the past.
The other day as I sat on the floor with this dear four-year-old boy, He told me we must hunt Minions. I didn’t know what they were, but he told me not to be afraid, “you just need to be brave.” Then he instructed, “Do this. Take a deep breath and let it out slow.” He demonstrated by centering himself, closing his eyes, and breathing loudly. Then he assured me, “Now you will be brave. Let’s go!” I wondered, is hunting Minions Fruit? Fruit like the one mentioned in the Psalms?
“They will still bear fruit in old age, they will stay fresh and green.” (Ps 92:14)
I need to think deeply about this because, I know I don’t look fresh and green, more like withered and bent. More importantly, I don’t feel fresh and green. But okay, if God says this is my word for you, should I argue about it with him? It’s not bad advice to be brave and unafraid.
I need to plow out the feeling that producing fruit means having accomplished something obvious. Like baking treats for the neighbors. Spending time with a daughter and granddaughter in Bible study. Writing for our website. Or even just cleaning the house. You know? Things like that.
John Milton, the 17th century Christian poet wrote a sonnet that begins with: “When I consider how my light is spent ere half my days…” he ends the sonnet with this final line: “They also serve who only stand and wait.”
They also serve who only stand and wait.
We must consider that when he wrote this sonnet around 1655 he was blind. It had been a slow process until at last he could no longer see. He must have tried to process what had happened to him since he begins this sonnet with “When I consider how my light is spent . . . “Spent, indeed. The light was gone.
His conclusion is all the more remarkable: “They also serve who only stand and wait.”
So while I may not be all I once was; what is true and miraculous is that even as I stand and wait—doing nothing that appears fruitful, I will ultimately be sustained, I will be rescued and healed by God. Joyful news indeed!
Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. (Isaiah 46:4)
Photo Credit: Anita Gorder using Margie’s iPhone.
